' Please stop pretending to be somebody you're not, cause one of these days you're going to get caught. Please stop building this web of lies, and pushing people out of your life'
Hey all I know I havent updated in a while and Im sorry, just been a little pre-occupied with life and stuff. Anyways a lot has happened since my last update, some good, some bad, and some that I just didnt see comming. Its comming up to christmas and my 18th birthday and what would normally be a time of celebration and general spazziness has become kinda warped. Its the time of forgiveness and friendship and family and its just..not. Its like instead of growing up slowly It all just hit me a few weeks ago, and yeah I feel like shit and stupid about some stuff I have done, and regret not growing up sooner, but at the same time Im being more social, getting out with friends, seeing family and builing on my life. Its not one way or the other and while its good there are some positives, it kinda shits me that there always has to be a down side, why cant it just be good for a long time or something?! I dunno.
Its kinda funny cause my family is celebrating 'christmas' early this year so when it comes to christmas day its going to be really stuffed up, but it is kinda cool because it mirrors our life at the moment, appearing all perfect but beneath the surface being really retarded lol. but sometimes retarded is fun, if you have friends there to pick you up. But sometimes friends can be there..but they're not the 'right friends' if you get me. You look for support and when u get it, you realise deep down you wished it was from someone in particular, but that person is the only one not supporting you, and that hurts even worse than the original problem.
Sometimes life is just screwed up like that, the people you depend on leave and you are stuck with all these randoms who are your friends, but are no substitute for the main friend. And the whole ' pushing someone away to pretect them' thing in like twilight and real life is just bullshit, no offence to anyone but honnestly, if you do it, most often the friend you are trying to 'protect' feels betrayed and lied to and thats most probably worse than what you are trying to protect them from, especially if you promised to be there for them 'no matter what, through the good and the bad'. Get with the program, Shutting yourself off from something wont make it go away, especially if it is emotions, repressing emotions is really dangerous and blatantly stupid.
But yeah. thats my rant for now, Im going to stop before I get really mad and stuff, the quote at the start was a poem I started and will never finnish, kind of symbolic when i consider the audience and purpose of the poem but yeah. I leave you with a song, My life would suck without you- Kelly Clarkson. Its kinda weird for a guy but I heard it on Glee and it was so upbeat I loved it.
Guess this means you're sorry
You're standing at my door
Guess this means you take back
All you said before
Like how much you wanted
Anyone but me
Said you'd never come back
But here you are again
'Cause we belong together now, yeah
Forever united here somehow, yeah
You got a piece of me
And honestly,
My life (my life) would suck (would suck) without you
Maybe I was stupid for telling you goodbye
Maybe I was wrong for tryin' to pick a fight
I know that I've got issues
But you're pretty messed up too
Either way, I found out I'm nothing without you
'Cause we belong together now, yeah
Forever united here somehow, yeah
You got a piece of me
And honestly,
My life (my life) would suck (would suck) without you
Being with you
Is so disfunctional
I really shouldn't miss you
But I can't let you go
Oh yeah
'Cause we belong together now, yeah
Forever united here somehow, yeah
You got a piece of me
And honestly,
My life (my life) would suck (would suck) without you
'Cause we belong together now, yeah
Forever united here somehow, yeah
You got a piece of me
And honestly,
My life (my life) would suck (would suck) without you
